It's been one of those days. I swear I woke up after having the most vivid sex dreams I've had in recent memory and knew something was going on.
An ex from out of the blue has been emailing me reminiscing about the romantic aspects of our relationship and filling my head with details I have long forgotten but remember fondly.
My ex Whitney who I am on platonic friend-status with and have been for a while despite the drama it caused with my most recent ex Jenna called and asked if I thought she looked fat when she showed up randomly in town from Chicago and ran into me at a bar.
A girl I've got weird chemistry with but no better than to get involved with called and left me two mysterious " call me back" type voicemails.
and the cute girl I got drunk and kissed keeps calling me "pal." It's like she's worried I'm gonna try and nail her since we got hammered and made out in the bar because of the ridiculous shit I put on my "To Do List:" tattoo. 3) kiss cute girl in lucha libre mask." I'd kiss her again but right now all the women I picture naked look like Barbie dolls, pretty and all but no genitalia. It keeps me out of trouble. I am all about being flirty friends but i hate being constantly called "friend" or something like that by a girl whose already made it clear she liked making out with me.
My most recent ex sent me a short 4 sentence email: "I miss you so much sometimes. I don't know what to say besides that, and I probably shouldn't say it at all. You were my best friend for so long, it's more than a breakup isn't it? I guess I just wanted to let you know."
Any ranting or emotional blog i've written in the past two years has most likely been about her. Of course it's a terrible breakup and of course I want to write her back and say i miss her too but the only reason she wrote that is because I stopped talking to her a week ago.
i'm writing tonight because there's a lot of stuff I never said to any of my exes, there are a lot of feelings that surface when I get this many random texts/ calls/ emails. With all of the weight of the recent break up on my shoulders I really want to write her back. But I don't want to be available to her. This breakup has been terrible and I've already done all that crazy obsessive shit and I'm pretty sure it's all out of my system but it's been hell staying out of contact with her when I've been so shut of from everyone else.
Looks like its back to the drawing board. I'm not after another tragic love like I just had but it'd be nice to find a girl that I had some chemistry with to help me keep my mind from all the exes in my life.
cheers and goodnight
sam
