Thursday, June 25, 2009

Thinking about the world at large

Thinking about life, love, and everything around me. I live in a place where everyone settles. I haven't ever been the type to settle. I'm passionate and I am ambitious. I am admittedly in a funk but it won't lastand I'll be back on top of my game in no time.

I was thinking about a story I really liked: "On Seeing the 100 Percent Perfect Girl One Beautiful April Morning" by Haruki Murakami.

What I like about him so much is how average all of his characters are and how magic his world is. The focus isn't on self-important louts but a beautiful world and a delicately weaved story. It just relaxes me and makes me think about how good we could potentially be to each other if we thought about the world as the beautiful and unpredictable siren she is and less about farrah Fawcet dying and what lindsay snorting this week.


since i don't have better words to describe it here's the story:

Haruki Murakami: On seeing the 100% perfect girl one beautiful April morning

One beautiful April morning, on a narrow side street in Tokyo's fashionable Harujuku neighborhood, I walked past the 100% perfect girl.

Tell you the truth, she's not that good-looking. She doesn't stand out in any way. Her clothes are nothing special. The back of her hair is still bent out of shape from sleep. She isn't young, either - must be near thirty, not even close to a "girl," properly speaking. But still, I know from fifty yards away: She's the 100% perfect girl for me. The moment I see her, there's a rumbling in my chest, and my mouth is as dry as a desert.

Maybe you have your own particular favorite type of girl - one with slim ankles, say, or big eyes, or graceful fingers, or you're drawn for no good reason to girls who take their time with every meal. I have my own preferences, of course. Sometimes in a restaurant I'll catch myself staring at the girl at the next table to mine because I like the shape of her nose.

But no one can insist that his 100% perfect girl correspond to some preconceived type. Much as I like noses, I can't recall the shape of hers - or even if she had one. All I can remember for sure is that she was no great beauty. It's weird.

"Yesterday on the street I passed the 100% girl," I tell someone.

"Yeah?" he says. "Good-looking?"

"Not really."

"Your favorite type, then?"

"I don't know. I can't seem to remember anything about her - the shape of her eyes or the size of her breasts."

"Strange."

"Yeah. Strange."

"So anyhow," he says, already bored, "what did you do? Talk to her? Follow her?"

"Nah. Just passed her on the street."

She's walking east to west, and I west to east. It's a really nice April morning.

Wish I could talk to her. Half an hour would be plenty: just ask her about herself, tell her about myself, and - what I'd really like to do - explain to her the complexities of fate that have led to our passing each other on a side street in Harajuku on a beautiful April morning in 1981. This was something sure to be crammed full of warm secrets, like an antique clock build when peace filled the world.

After talking, we'd have lunch somewhere, maybe see a Woody Allen movie, stop by a hotel bar for cocktails. With any kind of luck, we might end up in bed.

Potentiality knocks on the door of my heart.

Now the distance between us has narrowed to fifteen yards.

How can I approach her? What should I say?

"Good morning, miss. Do you think you could spare half an hour for a little conversation?"

Ridiculous. I'd sound like an insurance salesman.

"Pardon me, but would you happen to know if there is an all-night cleaners in the neighborhood?"

No, this is just as ridiculous. I'm not carrying any laundry, for one thing. Who's going to buy a line like that?

Maybe the simple truth would do. "Good morning. You are the 100% perfect girl for me."

No, she wouldn't believe it. Or even if she did, she might not want to talk to me. Sorry, she could say, I might be the 100% perfect girl for you, but you're not the 100% boy for me. It could happen. And if I found myself in that situation, I'd probably go to pieces. I'd never recover from the shock. I'm thirty-two, and that's what growing older is all about.

We pass in front of a flower shop. A small, warm air mass touches my skin. The asphalt is damp, and I catch the scent of roses. I can't bring myself to speak to her. She wears a white sweater, and in her right hand she holds a crisp white envelope lacking only a stamp. So: She's written somebody a letter, maybe spent the whole night writing, to judge from the sleepy look in her eyes. The envelope could contain every secret she's ever had.

I take a few more strides and turn: She's lost in the crowd.

Now, of course, I know exactly what I should have said to her. It would have been a long speech, though, far too long for me to have delivered it properly. The ideas I come up with are never very practical.

Oh, well. It would have started "Once upon a time" and ended "A sad story, don't you think?"

Once upon a time, there lived a boy and a girl. The boy was eighteen and the girl sixteen. He was not unusually handsome, and she was not especially beautiful. They were just an ordinary lonely boy and an ordinary lonely girl, like all the others. But they believed with their whole hearts that somewhere in the world there lived the 100% perfect boy and the 100% perfect girl for them. Yes, they believed in a miracle. And that miracle actually happened.

One day the two came upon each other on the corner of a street.

"This is amazing," he said. "I've been looking for you all my life. You may not believe this, but you're the 100% perfect girl for me."

"And you," she said to him, "are the 100% perfect boy for me, exactly as I'd pictured you in every detail. It's like a dream."

They sat on a park bench, held hands, and told each other their stories hour after hour. They were not lonely anymore. They had found and been found by their 100% perfect other. What a wonderful thing it is to find and be found by your 100% perfect other. It's a miracle, a cosmic miracle.

As they sat and talked, however, a tiny, tiny sliver of doubt took root in their hearts: Was it really all right for one's dreams to come true so easily?

And so, when there came a momentary lull in their conversation, the boy said to the girl, "Let's test ourselves - just once. If we really are each other's 100% perfect lovers, then sometime, somewhere, we will meet again without fail. And when that happens, and we know that we are the 100% perfect ones, we'll marry then and there. What do you think?"

"Yes," she said, "that is exactly what we should do."

And so they parted, she to the east, and he to the west.

The test they had agreed upon, however, was utterly unnecessary. They should never have undertaken it, because they really and truly were each other's 100% perfect lovers, and it was a miracle that they had ever met. But it was impossible for them to know this, young as they were. The cold, indifferent waves of fate proceeded to toss them unmercifully.

One winter, both the boy and the girl came down with the season's terrible inluenza, and after drifting for weeks between life and death they lost all memory of their earlier years. When they awoke, their heads were as empty as the young D. H. Lawrence's piggy bank.

They were two bright, determined young people, however, and through their unremitting efforts they were able to acquire once again the knowledge and feeling that qualified them to return as full-fledged members of society. Heaven be praised, they became truly upstanding citizens who knew how to transfer from one subway line to another, who were fully capable of sending a special-delivery letter at the post office. Indeed, they even experienced love again, sometimes as much as 75% or even 85% love.

Time passed with shocking swiftness, and soon the boy was thirty-two, the girl thirty.

One beautiful April morning, in search of a cup of coffee to start the day, the boy was walking from west to east, while the girl, intending to send a special-delivery letter, was walking from east to west, but along the same narrow street in the Harajuku neighborhood of Tokyo. They passed each other in the very center of the street. The faintest gleam of their lost memories glimmered for the briefest moment in their hearts. Each felt a rumbling in their chest. And they knew:

She is the 100% perfect girl for me.

He is the 100% perfect boy for me.

But the glow of their memories was far too weak, and their thoughts no longer had the clarity of fouteen years earlier. Without a word, they passed each other, disappearing into the crowd. Forever.

A sad story, don't you think?

Yes, that's it, that is what I should have said to her.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Sam is bad with police.

It was early when I went out. I've been mostly going out early and coming home early unless I wind up at JR's. My mood last night was terrible, I was having a hard time keeping my shoulders back and head up. I decided I'd go out and make the bar rounds. I had a good little routine going. Theos, Smoke & Barrel, Brewskis, Busters, Dickson St Theater, and JR's.

I parked in my usual spot at the brick wall behind the 36 club. It's a Dickson St staple fine dining spot with lots of unattended parking. I hiked up my pants that were dragging on the heels of my converse and buttoned the lower button of my shirt in a bent over, half slump, doing a few things at the same time kinda way. I crossed paths with a tall short haired, well-groomed guy in a tie, either a frat boy or a waiter and walked passed him to Brewskis. It was a quick walk-through. I couldn't really bring myself to stick around so I turned back up the street to drop in at the theater and head home.

The theater was the same it's always been and will always be. Fri-Sat-Sun club for the Hip-Hop crowd. The music is terrible the clientele is cheap and 9/10 there's always a fight. A few quick hugs and hellos and that was it. I was done. I was on my way home just as soon as I said hi to Tori and my friends that were texting me from Smoke & Barrel. Walking back passed my car I see the frat boy from earlier. I make the patio across the street from where I'm parked before he starts calling out after me, "Hey!" I turn back to face him and I'm trying to figure out who he is, like is he one of those local kids that I should know and don't. Walking up to me he asked, "Is that black car yours?"

"Yeah, why?" and I still didn't know who the fuck he was.

"Did you scratch my car? it's the Maroon 2000 Mercury Cougar?" Oh god, it's just some high strung waiter from the 36 Club.

"What? No, I didn't scratch anything." And that was all it took for me to get all alpha and all of this to escalate. Quick explanation, when I get accused of things I get short and sound condescending and you could even say I get a little mean.

"Well you were bending down by it, why were you bending down? I think we should just hang out here and see what the cops have to say about this..."

For the next few minutes the tense dialog between us was a back and forth of me insulting his choice of cars and his obviously high strung behavior until the cops showed up. They took statements, looked at my ID, tried to say that my front bumper looked like i had hit something, just really looking for something to make this asshole waiter happy. I fielded questions, was asked why I was seen bending over by his car and I just laughed. seriously? "I don't know why I was bending over."

Cop said " that was ____ ago and you don't remember?" Of course I didn't remember, why would i care? Eventually the whole ordeal blew over after I filled out a statement pulled his note off of my car and the cops sarged off.

I can not talk to cops without seeming guilty apparently. i tried to explain that I would have no motive to do something pointless like that to someone I'd never met and that even if I had done it, why would i bother sitting around or staying parked there next to the car I'd just keyed if that was the case. I hate cops. Nothing every works out with me and police. Ever. Which made me even more glad that I was 100% sober so far. I can just imagine getting a PI or being charged for keying this guy's car if i'd been drinking.


We ended up shaking hands after the police finally left. If i hadn't made an effort to make nice it would have eaten at me for the rest of the night. He apologized and i went to have a cool down beer.

a lot of crazy "i hate cops" texting later I ended up running into my bartender friend and ex's ex BFF Tussy. We would up dancing at a club in a 'Dance off' until we would up drinking shots at Brewskis w/ their entire bar staff until about 3:30.